I Find Her Disgusting Chapter 78

Seeing her stunned, Jiang Xidai couldn’t help but lift her sleeve to wipe away a tear, then turned her head away, perhaps feeling too ashamed, and cleared her throat softly.
Yan Huirou was still thinking back.
There were many moving words of love in this world, but what was “seas running dry, rocks crumbling, river waters ceasing, winter thunder rumbling, summer rain and snow,” compared to her looking at her and saying: “But I only have you.”
Don’t be like this, Yan Huirou thought with a headache—every time she was about to retreat or give up, this pitiful, detestable, and lovely woman could always pluck her heartstrings with a single, precise sentence.
People, more or less, admire the strong, but perhaps Yan Huirou was a little special. Her gaze was always on the places where others needed her, and she always looked gently toward the “weak.”
Jiang Xidai was one of the top powerhouses in the cultivation world, but once her inner weakness was revealed, such a contrast made her even more heart-wrenching.
Yan Huirou was completely trapped. This was the third time she had seen Jiang Xidai cry. The first two times were for Zhan Ke.
And this time was for her.
She was even reflecting on whether she had been a little too harsh on her Sect Master… Everyone thinks differently. Jiang Xidai was unwilling to admit anything about “love.” Perhaps this simple word for ordinary people was an insurmountable mountain for her.
But to just endlessly act as that woman’s pillow?
Yan Huirou closed her eyes. She reflected for a moment. It was clear that Zhan Ke was also a factor in her pushing Jiang Xidai to this point.
Jiang Xidai had personally admitted her feelings for that woman.
Why not me…
People do not worry about scarcity, but about uneven distribution. She considered herself a tolerant person, but in such matters, she couldn’t help but feel sad.
But as Yan Huirou pulled herself out of her reflection, she only then realized that she was already holding that woman in her arms, her hand stroking her slightly messy long hair.
Yan Huirou’s way of comforting people was different. She stroked her for a while, then said, “If the Sect Master wants to cry, then just cry.”
At these words, Jiang Xidai didn’t know what to do and could only silently nuzzle into her embrace. She still had to save some face.
But Jiang Xidai clearly felt Yan Huirou’s attitude soften and couldn’t help but add, “Stay tonight?”
“…Alright.”
Yan Huirou had compromised in the end.
The restless breathing by her neck gradually calmed down.
Yan Huirou turned her head to look, and Jiang Xidai held her a little tighter. The woman closed her eyes, the corners of her eyes slightly upturned, looking finally much more relaxed. “Mm.”
Ever since moving out of Qionghua Hall, Yan Huirou had not returned to the second-floor bedchamber for a long time. She touched the luxurious mahogany armrest, and it still felt so cool to the touch.
But Jiang Xidai was visibly happier, her footsteps light.
After bathing, as Yan Huirou was tidying up the bed, she unintentionally found a piece of clothing she had left under the pillow. “…Strange, it’s been so long, why did you let it stay on the bed?”
Jiang Xidai was leaning against the window, quietly watching Yan Huirou tidy up. But when she saw the thin, white undergarment, she opened her mouth and paused for a moment before saying, “It’s nothing, I just missed you.”
“…”
Yan Huirou turned around and said nothing. She put the garment in a basket of clothes to be washed.
The Sect Master has probably given up all pretense, her words becoming more and more direct.
Alright, that’s a good thing, I suppose.
But after being hit several times, Yan Huirou’s state of mind upon hearing these words was already different from before.
In the second-floor bedchamber, few people came up to disturb them. Even the disciples who came to clean mostly didn’t dare to rummage through the Sect Master’s things.
Yan Huirou pulled open the drawer under the wardrobe, feeling that it was too messy. She hesitated for a moment, then started to tidy it up.
Fortunately, this time, she didn’t find anything special. Only some clothes, a few scattered jade bracelets, a silver-chained wrist crossbow, a bottle of pills glowing with a faint green light, and a small book.
A book? Such things were rarely seen in Qionghua Hall, besides the endless scrolls of obscure cultivation techniques. Yan Huirou flipped a page of the book and found that it was a very low-quality romance novel.
“Do you like to read this kind of book?”
Jiang Xidai glanced at it, took it and read two pages, then tossed it back. “The cover looked nice, so I bought it. But I don’t like to read it.”
Yan Huirou didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “That’s rare.”
“What?”
“You can’t even get through this kind of popular reading material. Why can you read obscure cultivation techniques or sword manuals?”
Yan Huirou was never afraid of reading large tomes, but she also didn’t find those cultivation techniques easy to read. She needed to study them character by character for a long time.
“Is it very obscure?”
The woman asked, puzzled, “I don’t know what others feel when they read it, but for me, it’s like eating and drinking, it’s an instinct.”
Yan Huirou: “…”
She seemed to finally understand why Jiang Xidai had always been so disdainful of her sword practice and cultivation.
But what was even more frightening was that from others’ attitudes, Yan Huirou found that she did not belong to the “very inferior” category, and even felt that her aptitude was quite good.
Why?
The question in her heart slowly swirled up again.
Such a terrifying talent, which sect wouldn’t treat it as a treasure to be enshrined? What did Jiang Xidai go through in those years at the Lingshan Sect to end up in this state?
Yan Huirou’s feelings were complicated. She put the clothes in order and put the jade bracelets in Jiang Xidai’s dressing table.
But this time, when she opened the drawer, Yan Huirou’s hand froze, maintaining a half-open posture, anticipating what she would see.
But there was nothing.
She found that the paintings were gone. It was empty inside, with only a comb tossed in.
“It was full here last time.”
Jiang Xidai suspected that she was being sarcastic again, but from her tone, she couldn’t hear much. Her lashes trembled slightly, and she said nothing.
Yan Huirou turned and smiled at her, then went back to putting things away.
By the time the entire room had been tidied up, a lot of effort had been spent.
Jiang Xidai leaned against the head of the bed, her skirt hanging down slightly, looking exceptionally quiet.
If Yan Huirou hadn’t occasionally glanced at her, she would have thought she had already entered a meditative state and fallen asleep.
But every time she looked back, the woman was always watching her, focused and quiet, so quiet that it was a little unusual.
Yan Huirou took off her shoes and knelt on the bed.
Jiang Xidai leaned forward slightly, her long black silk-like hair falling down.
When Yan Huirou knelt beside her.
The entire room suddenly darkened. The lamps were naturally extinguished, and the curtains, which had been illuminated into a lotus-root red by the vermilion pavilion, fell down at the same time, as quiet as a stick of incense being silently extinguished in a temple.
The sparks were no longer bright, leaving only that silk-like fragrance, which floated back and forth under Yan Huirou’s nose.
Sometimes a thick, bewitching charm, sometimes a light, dignified grace.
It suddenly gathered between her lips, becoming tangible. The woman lowered her head, and after only a moment’s hesitation, she kissed her hastily, like suddenly lifting a lover’s veil.
Yan Huirou was kissed until she leaned back, losing her balance. In a moment of carelessness, she panicked and grabbed onto her, pulling off Jiang Xidai’s already precarious clothes.
In the darkness, only silhouettes could be seen, but Yan Huirou subconsciously closed her eyes.
“You weren’t like this before. Little thing.” Jiang Xidai said softly, “You used to love to stare at me…”
Her fingers were slightly cool as they slid across Yan Huirou’s neckline, making Yan Huirou feel a sense of tension like a burnt child dreading the fire, and she shrank her neck.
Jiang Xidai’s hand paused. “Are you afraid of me?”
She lowered her hand, as if wanting to touch her but not knowing how, and finally closed her eyes and buried her face in the girl’s soft neck, the end of her sentence trembling slightly. “I… didn’t mean it. Yan Huirou, you said those things about family and friends, I just don’t like that they can be ranked ahead of me…”
She explained repeatedly, as if afraid that Yan Huirou would hate her for it.
Yan Huirou did not answer her. She reached out and touched the woman’s neck. “Why didn’t you apply medicine to yourself earlier?”
Jiang Xidai’s words paused, then like a drying river, they slowly quieted down, finally disappearing into the earth. “Hm?”
“…No one has ever been ranked ahead of you, never.” Yan Huirou: “If possible, I would rather there was one.”
“Because liking you is really so tiring.” Yan Huirou closed her eyes and smiled bitterly. “I can’t have you, can’t let you go, can’t escape you, can’t avoid you. What do you want me to do? It seems nothing I do will satisfy you.”
Jiang Xidai’s palm curled slightly. Hearing Yan Huirou’s words, she paused for a moment, then said, “You see how nicely you talk to people.”
“If I say nice things, do you think they are fake?” Yan Huirou asked in return.
The woman stared at her, silent for a moment. “I’m not saying it’s fake. I’m saying you’re so likable, many people will love you.”
So she was anxious, worried, and terribly jealous. This jealousy was already a bit pathological. Once she discovered that Yan Huirou had a tendency to move away, she wished she could lock her up, hide her, and crush her in her palm.
However, if it were only jealousy, perhaps she could have summoned some courage.
But her jealousy was mixed with a bit of fear, as if these emotions stemmed from her own lack of confidence and emptiness, so fragile that they were easily shattered.
She didn’t understand how Yan Huirou had started to like her. Not understanding the origin of this feeling, she was naturally even more terrified of its evolution.
She had had enough of such days.
“Mm, maybe.” Yan Huirou: “Maybe someone does like me. But you seem to have never considered whether I really want this.”
Jiang Xidai’s view of her never seemed to be centered on her own will, but swayed with external things.
Before, she thought she liked men. Now, she thought she liked many people. She didn’t know where she got that idea.
A little misunderstanding was harmless. Yan Huirou could even barely accept this kind of teasing.
But that ancestor’s extremely jealous look made her heart tighten.
If you rejected me, why be jealous?
Yan Huirou was a little disheartened. She closed her eyes, not wanting to say more.
However, when one stops expecting things, they come like a sudden spring breeze, without asking about the weather.
“So do you still want it?” the woman said after a long, slow moment, her voice extremely gentle and soft, asking cautiously, “…I mean, me.”