After Rebirth, the Heroine is Consumed by Overwhelming Regret Chapter 36

When the words left her mouth, Qi Qing’s heart couldn’t help but skip a beat.
What am I saying? Is this really the time for this?
Yu Yan’s physical body was still imprisoned in Fallen Wind City. They hadn’t escaped danger yet. This was an unknown secret realm, and countless demonic beasts might be hiding in the dark, waiting for them to show a weakness.
This was definitely not the best time to ask for intimacy, not even a suitable time. They didn’t understand each other at all, they hadn’t even confirmed they were together. Everything was wrong.
But she just couldn’t help but say it.
She started to feel a little scared, afraid Yu Yan would think she was a casual person. Maybe the other party was hoping for a perfect, romantic beginning, but she had been so reckless, ruining that unknown first time.
Her heart screamed no, it wasn’t appropriate, absolutely not, but Qi Qing couldn’t stop herself. She waited for a response with a plaintive look in her eyes, also faintly praying that the other person wouldn’t refuse.
Perhaps it was because the past was too painful to look back on, and the future was dim and uncertain. They had been separated for so long, and tomorrow they would be forced to do things they didn’t want to. In this moment of extreme confusion and pain, the chains Qi Qing had placed on her own soul suddenly loosened. She wanted to indulge herself once, to do something out of line.
She wanted to use this method to make sure Yu Yan wouldn’t leave.
She wanted Yu Yan to become her possession, wanted Yu Yan to stay by her side forever, wanted them to never be separated even for a moment for any reason.
Only then could she grasp a little certainty.
Then she saw Yu Yan’s soul suddenly turn pink, and it was getting pinker and pinker, almost as if it would start bubbling. Yu Yan had never been in a relationship, let alone had intimate contact with anyone. That kiss that sealed their love when she started dating Qi Qing was already the most daring thing she had ever done. As for Qi Qing’s proposal, although she understood it, she had no idea what to do.
Do… does she mean ‘do’ in that way?
But, but, but… they…?
Yu Yan’s mind felt like a muddle of paste being stirred. She knew Qi Qing was talking about something incredible, but she couldn’t think, couldn’t process it. Her violently pounding heart made it impossible to hear anything clearly.
What… what on earth should she do?
Does she like Qi Qing? It seems like she does. Does she want to do more intimate things? It seems like she wants to. Then here, now? She seems… unsure.
Yu Yan faintly felt that she had overlooked something important, but because her mind was such a mess, she couldn’t remember what it was.
Until Qi Qing, not getting her request, felt wronged and settled for the next best thing, doing something even more intimate with her—actually, it wasn’t really more intimate. Qi Qing merely covered her ears while continuing to kiss her, as if wanting her to hear her own inner voice more clearly.
Yu Yan indeed heard it.
Because her ears were covered, she heard the sound of their lips and tongues tangling together. Besides this wet sound that made her blush and her heart race, there was also her own fiercely pounding heartbeat, which became even more real and clear as it transmitted through her bones, as if it were playing in her mind at ten times the volume.
She started to feel weak all over, and her body uncontrollably craved more. A certain part of her body, like her mind, became sticky and muddled. She suddenly remembered what she had forgotten: the soul and the body were different. The body’s reaction was a beat slower than the soul’s. If one wanted to control it, the reaction could be suppressed. But if the soul was stimulated directly, she couldn’t avoid it, couldn’t pretend, and could only show her truest reaction.
“Mm-nh…” She couldn’t help but murmur, though she quickly suppressed it. But that momentary reaction was caught by Qi Qing.
So, the assault became even more intense.
Qi Qing wasn’t good with sweet talk. When she sensed what Yu Yan liked, she would silently give more. This quiet, uncommunicative nature easily made one feel the shame of being seen through, yet it was impossible to be angry with her.
She suddenly remembered that time when Qi Qing had asked her, “If you don’t get up, I’ll kiss you.” Back then, she had only thought Qi Qing had finally understood, but later there were no more such displays. She had thought it was a flash in the pan, but it wasn’t. Qi Qing only said such things when she was aroused, as if she were being mischievous, making Yu Yan both shy and annoyed.
“N-No…”
Yu Yan, driven by shyness, uttered a few fragmented refusals. Actually, that wasn’t her true intention, but the feeling of being teased was too embarrassing and strange, as if she were completely controlled by someone else.
Of course, this was just her superficial thought.
In reality, she felt like she was about to lose control.
If Qi Qing continued her actions, she was afraid her defenses would be breached, and she would fall into a swamp of desire. This was a terrifying feeling, especially for cultivators, as indulgence was a word very close to demonic deviation.
She instinctively resisted losing control.
So Qi Qing could only release her.
But the afterglow hadn’t faded. The two were still panting lightly, so close they could almost feel their own breath in each other’s mouths. The corners of Yu Yan’s eyes were still tinged with the crimson flush of desire, a stunningly vibrant red. Qi Qing couldn’t help but stroke it, murmuring, “So beautiful…”
Her gaze was somewhat hazy, as if admiring an incredibly perfect creation. Yu Yan couldn’t bear such intensity and gently lowered her head, biting her lip.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” Qi Qing said suddenly. “I seem to have… suddenly lost control of myself a little.”
Yu Yan didn’t speak. She also felt they had been a bit too intense tonight. Although these feelings came from the heart, they were far more fierce than what they usually showed.
Even she found it somewhat hard to control her emotions.
As if reminded of something, Yu Yan suddenly had a suspicion. Her gaze wandered for a few breaths, and she suddenly saw a huge Drunken Song Sacred Heat Flower growing above their heads, though she didn’t know when it had appeared.
So that’s it.
Yu Yan suddenly understood the root of their arousal. It turned out there was an aphrodisiac flower growing nearby. This flower was very inconspicuous when unbloomed, but once it detected a couple engaging in intimate actions nearby, it would silently blossom, adding fuel to their fire. When the couple was lost in passion and making love, it would suddenly reveal its fangs, swallow them whole, and dissolve them into pulp.
She waved her hand and destroyed it. Soon, the scent permeating the surroundings gradually became clear. It was a very fragrant aroma with a powerful aphrodisiac effect.
They could only abandon this place and set up camp elsewhere.
On their journey through the night, Yu Yan kept wondering if Qi Qing had acted because of the flower’s fragrance or if she truly desired it. For the other person, was she just someone who happened to be there, or was it that it had to be her?
Yu Yan would not know the answer to this question.
She couldn’t bring herself to ask either. She was afraid of not getting the answer she wanted, and also afraid the other person would give a perfunctory reply to save face. Both outcomes would make her extremely upset. So, she simply kept her mouth shut and didn’t ask.
Meanwhile, Qi Qing sank into self-loathing.
If she hadn’t known about the flower’s existence, she might have only felt she was a bit reckless, a bit presumptuous with the beauty. But after knowing, all she felt was disgust for herself—disgust for being so easily manipulated, disgust for being so unguarded. If someone else had been there, would she have acted so recklessly too?
Someone like her, what right did she have to keep Yu Yan by her side?
Yu Yan must have realized this too, that’s why she wasn’t talking.
This made the already self-loathing Qi Qing loathe herself even more, as if all her disguises had been stripped away and her vile nature exposed to the other person.
In the end, did Yu Yan truly not despise her?
Could it be she was just enduring disgust while being in a relationship with her?
Qi Qing didn’t know. She wasn’t even sure if they were truly in a relationship. Although Yu Yan had said those words back then, their relationship wouldn’t change just because of a simple declaration. They still existed independently of each other. If it weren’t for the love trial tying Yu Yan to her side, perhaps they would never have crossed paths at all.
Lost in these chaotic thoughts, the white dragon beneath her feet suddenly jolted. Qi Qing looked up and saw that Yu Yan had abruptly stopped.
“We’re here.”
So soon?
Qi Qing was a little stunned. Didn’t she say it would take several days?
But the place beneath them did indeed look very similar to what Hua Yayun had described: an extremely long, narrow, and deep valley. The treasure they were looking for was in such a valley. Although they didn’t know if this was the one, to avoid missing it, they had to go in and take a look.
Although both had their own preoccupations, they had a consensus on important matters. So, they dived down together, flying towards the end of the canyon closer to them.
This canyon was extremely deep. They flew for an unknown amount of time before reaching the ground. Looking up again, only a sliver of sky remained above, obscured by clouds and mist, making it hard to see clearly.
Qi Qing landed from her sword and helped Yu Yan down. Only then did she notice a faint heat in the surroundings. This heat was subtle and not obvious, but Yu Yan was more perceptive than her and said directly, “The place we’re in is very deep. There’s probably a magma zone nearby. Be careful.”
Magma?
Doesn’t that mean we’re close to the earth’s core?
Qi Qing, however, didn’t feel any discomfort. After thinking for a moment, she asked, “What’s the relationship between a secret realm and reality? How can there be such a deep place?”
“Secret realms are legendary places left behind by immortals, usually preserving their lingering will and treasures. An environment like this was likely a place the immortal visited before ascending and which left a deep impression on them,” Yu Yan said. “We don’t know which immortal it is yet, otherwise I could deduce a thing or two from that.”
Hearing her say this, Qi Qing suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if prying into someone’s privacy. This immortal is quite pitiful, she thought. Even after ascending, their life story is being investigated. If some terrible secret is exposed, wouldn’t their reputation in old age be ruined?
Yu Yan saw her expression and knew she wasn’t thinking anything good, so she said, “Immortal secret realms are divided into three types. One is the place where the immortal attained the Dao and ascended. These places are the most dangerous and have the most treasures. Their will, cultivation methods, and magic artifacts will all be left here. But ascension often means undergoing tribulations, and even if only a fraction of this tribulation leaks out, it’s enough to make ordinary cultivators suffer greatly.”
“Another type is the place that left the deepest impression on them—perhaps where they formed a dao companion bond, or where a deep enmity occurred. In short, any place significant enough to be a turning point in their life could become a secret realm. These places are actually equivalent to a lingering attachment. There won’t be many treasures, but one can get a glimpse into their life.”
“There’s one more type, related to unresolved matters before their ascension. This is very rare, because ascension means achieving success. If there are things one can’t let go of, it’s very difficult to attain true enlightenment. But there are always exceptions. Some immortals, in order to successfully ascend, will isolate a part of their memories, forming a small secret realm. Generally, others cannot enter these places; they serve as a small, personal world for the immortal to secretly visit.”
“This place belongs to the second type,” Qi Qing thought. Isn’t this still prying into someone’s life? She had a very strange feeling, as if she had barged into someone else’s mind.
“I suppose so, but immortals wouldn’t care.”
Although Yu Yan comforted her this way, whether a secret realm was left behind or not wasn’t actually within the immortal’s control. They might not even know that one would be left, or where it would be.
Qi Qing said, “Oh,” and followed her forward.
They didn’t encounter any treasures or monsters along the way, only some bizarrely shaped plants occasionally appearing by the roadside. As they went deeper, the canyon also became deeper, and the faint heat turned into a heatwave. Qi Qing felt her breathing become increasingly difficult, and her mouth was terribly dry.
Gradually, an underground river appeared.
Qi Qing bent down to scoop up some water to drink, but to her surprise, the river water was warm to the touch. Dipping her hand in, it didn’t feel cool at all; instead, it was like hot spring water, smooth and very comfortable.
“There’s a hot spring!” Qi Qing said in pleasant surprise.
“Yes, it’s not strange for there to be a hot spring here.” Yu Yan paused, then said, “Do you want to take a dip?”
“Can I?” Qi Qing was a little surprised. She had broken into a light sweat earlier, and although she had used a dust-cleansing art, she still felt a bit uncomfortable.
“Yes, we’re not in a hurry right now anyway.” Yu Yan had the same thought. Some of the flower’s fragrance from earlier still lingered, and it would be best to wash it off.
Besides, they had traveled all night without any rest, and they didn’t know what awaited them ahead. Soaking in the hot spring would be perfect for relieving fatigue and preparing for what was to come.
Due to the awkwardness of what had just happened, the two tacitly found separate corners, out of each other’s sight but not too far apart, so they could look out for each other if anything happened.
Qi Qing waited for the other to move away before undoing her clothes and slowly walking into the river. The river wasn’t deep; even at its deepest point, she could touch the bottom. She found a rock, sat on it, and submerged herself. Instantly, she sighed in comfort.
On the other side, Yu Yan, hearing the sounds, also entered the river.
The sound of wading through water was very clear. The current rippled over from that side, lapping against her body bit by bit. Qi Qing submerged her face in the water, trying hard not to let her thoughts wander. She had already made one mistake; if her mind strayed again, even she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself.
After a good while, she felt dizzy from soaking and thought about getting out to dry off. But as she stood up, blood rushed to her head, and she fell straight into the water.
“…What’s wrong?”
Before fainting, she heard the sound of someone quickly wading through the water; it seemed Yu Yan was coming over. She wanted to grab her clothes to cover herself but found it futile. Her clothes were still on the bank. She could only face Yu Yan openly in this rather embarrassing state.