After Rebirth, the Heroine is Consumed by Overwhelming Regret Chapter 28

Hearing this, Qi Qing’s heart suddenly sank.
Although she had expected it, when she actually heard it, a sour feeling couldn’t help but well up from the bottom of her heart. Yes, how could someone as ordinary as her deserve Yu Yan’s favor?
The other person was at an Immortal Lord’s level, and so beautiful. In terms of background, wealth, or any other measure, she was one of the foremost figures in the world. And her… she had nothing.
If not for a certain reason that forced the other to approach her, she probably wouldn’t have even glanced at her. The gap between them was too vast, so vast that even calling it a chasm felt like an understatement.
“Actually, I am a divine official.”
Just as Qi Qing’s thoughts were running wild, Yu Yan suddenly spoke. She had thought it over and felt that to explain the whole story, this identity of hers was unavoidable. It was better to state it at the beginning.
Qi Qing froze, not quite understanding what she meant. A divine official? Was it the kind of divine official she was thinking of, or something like a temple keeper?
No, no, no, temple keepers are mortals, and Yu Yan isn’t a mortal.
But a divine official… Qi Qing felt it was too outrageous. If it really was the kind of divine official she imagined, wouldn’t Yu Yan be a god descended to the mortal realm?
How could that be possible?
Yu Yan seemed to notice her shock and said, “I know this is hard to believe, but I’m not lying to you. The day you delivered the letter for me was the first day I snuck down to the mortal realm. You were the first person I met.”
Qi Qing saw that her gaze was clear, and she indeed didn’t seem to be joking. She opened her mouth and asked, “Why did you descend to the mortal realm?”
Was it to save her?
Qi Qing thought it was unlikely. She was a transmigrator, completely unrelated to the gods of this world. They would have no reason to do so. Besides, she hadn’t fallen to the point of dying in this life yet.
“For fun,” Yu Yan said. “I came down for fun.”
After saying that, she also felt it sounded a bit childish, so she added, “The Celestial Realm is a very boring place. I often sneak down, have some fun, and then go back. This isn’t the first time. It’s just that my luck wasn’t good this time, and I was caught red-handed by the Divine Lord.”
“Divine Lord…” Qi Qing thought, that must be the Heavenly Emperor.
She was starting to believe it now. Only a true divine official would address the Heavenly Emperor that way. One could lie about identity, but it was hard to be thorough with such small details.
So, Yu Yan really is a fairy descended to the mortal realm?
Qi Qing suddenly realized she had learned something incredible. Wait, is it really okay to tell her so easily? Could it be that she’ll be dragged off to sign some confidentiality agreement later, and if she leaks it, she’ll be silenced?
She kind of regretted asking so much.
But since Yu Yan had already started speaking, she couldn’t stop her.
Yu Yan was being so serious; if she reacted negatively, wouldn’t she be letting down the other’s intentions?
“The Divine Lord punished me, making me undergo a romantic trial before I can return,” Yu Yan said. “The subject of the trial is randomly determined. It’s the first person I meet.”
With that, her gaze fell on Qi Qing’s face.
Qi Qing was completely bewildered.
The first person?
Isn’t that me?
She really wanted to point at her past self and ask, “You used to always wish for a fairy to fall from the sky and be your wife. Well, now one has fallen. How about it?”
How about it? Not good at all.
Qi Qing used to think that when rich people said, “Actually, money can’t buy happiness,” it was easy for them to say. Now, she kind of understood.
Yes, Yu Yan was too good, so good that she couldn’t believe someone like that would have any connection with her, let alone be together. Her feeling of unworthiness was too strong, strong enough to drown out all happiness.
She knew this was her own problem.
But love is a two-person affair, and Yu Yan hadn’t met her willingly. This was just a little joke played by the Heavenly Emperor. With this premise, no matter how good Yu Yan was to her, or helped her, or even those sweet nothings and little heart-flutters, it all felt like dancing in shackles.
She couldn’t help but wonder, would Yu Yan be unwilling? Would Yu Yan think she wasn’t good enough, not qualified? Would she secretly resent why it was her who appeared there?
Qi Qing had always had low self-esteem. This low self-esteem had planted its seeds in her heart ever since Ling Aorui abandoned her. Later, it slowly sprouted leaves and branches. When facing someone as perfect as Yu Yan, it gradually grew into a sapling. Now, it had suddenly grown wildly, its branches and leaves flourishing.
She didn’t deserve Yu Yan.
This was undeniable.
But the worst part wasn’t this. The worst part was that she didn’t know Yu Yan’s true feelings for her. If the other person already looked down on her and was forcing herself to be with her, then her pain would increase at least tenfold.
And this was highly likely to happen.
On the other side, Yu Yan was considering things completely different from Qi Qing. She had mustered the courage to say all this, most afraid that Qi Qing would think her motives were impure. The so-called romantic trial, although decreed by the Divine Lord, wasn’t naturally occurring, after all.
Would Qi Qing think she wasn’t sincere?
The two of them, each with their own worries, slowly walked forward.
After a few steps, Yu Yan couldn’t help but ask, “Qi Qing, you… what do you think?”
Since things were out in the open, she wanted an answer face-to-face. Being wishy-washy wasn’t her style. If she had to face rejection, it was better for the pain to be short rather than prolonged.
But it wasn’t that she didn’t care. On the contrary, she cared too much to be ambiguous. This was completely opposite to Qi Qing’s personality. Qi Qing tended to overthink internally; she wouldn’t take the initiative to speak unless she drove herself crazy.
Qi Qing looked up. The other’s gaze was burning, her expression more serious than Qi Qing had ever seen. Yu Yan wanted her response, but she had no idea what to say right now.
Low self-esteem is unspeakable.
“I think…” She was somewhat incoherent. “I, I don’t know…”
“You don’t know?” Yu Yan was actually a little surprised. She had thought Qi Qing would be disgusted, troubled, or think she had ulterior motives. “I don’t know” was the mildest outcome she could have imagined.
She was silent for a moment, then said, “You don’t resent me?”
“Resent?” Qi Qing was surprised. “Why?”
“My motive for approaching you was impure. I didn’t get to know you in a normal way,” Yu Yan said. “I thought you would find me despicable… or something like that because of it.”
Towards the end, Yu Yan hesitated to say more. The more she spoke, the more despicable and shameless she felt.
“It’s not your fault,” Qi Qing said. “If you had a choice, you wouldn’t want to do it this way, right? Besides… I don’t think the way we met is important. What’s important are your feelings, your thoughts.”
If it were someone else, they might not empathize so much. But Qi Qing understood too well.
She herself was a transmigrator. Back then, she was forced by the system to approach Ling Aorui. But all the decisions she made afterward came from her own intentions, not coerced or pushed by anyone. During their best times, she had also felt sweetness and true happiness.
Who could say she wasn’t sincere then?
Yu Yan saw her matter-of-fact expression and knew she truly didn’t mind. This was very much beyond her expectations.
Before confessing, she had prepared herself to be detested by Qi Qing. But not only did the other not detest her, she even defended her so much.
It was unclear whether it was due to being moved or feeling relieved, but in any case, the great stone in her heart had finally fallen. Yu Yan hadn’t expected to pass this hurdle so easily and couldn’t help blurting out, “It’s great that you think so. Then… then why don’t we start this relationship right away?”
“Huh?”
Qi Qing never expected her to say this. Wait, don’t they have other problems besides this?
…It seems not.
The problem of low self-esteem was her own, and the moment Yu Yan said to start immediately, it became insignificant. Yu Yan didn’t dislike her; she had just quickly changed her mindset and invited her to truly be in a relationship.
“Wait… I’m a bit…”
Qi Qing pondered for a long time, feeling that something was off. It seemed a bit too fast, and she felt like she had forgotten something. What was it? What? What?
She looked at Yu Yan’s face, so close, and was so struck by her beauty that she lost the ability to think. The other person was eagerly awaiting her response, seemingly not at all afraid of being rejected.
Is this a beautiful woman’s complete self-confidence?
Qi Qing indeed couldn’t think of a reason to refuse.
“How… how do we start…?” she asked, her voice trembling. She suddenly felt she was getting carried away. Wake up, Qi Qing! Isn’t your priority right now to figure out if you’re dreaming, not how to start a romance?
She secretly pinched herself. It hurt.
Yu Yan didn’t know why she had said that either. It felt a bit too forward and abrupt. But she had said it, and if she backed down now, wouldn’t Qi Qing think she was treating it like a game?
How to start? Does romance even have a specific starting event?
She faced Qi Qing, whose expression was almost dazed. Yu Yan knew her own expression was probably similar. In this regard, the two of them could be considered evenly matched.
How is this not a match made in heaven?
She stared at the other’s moist, glistening lips under the moonlight and, as if possessed, blurted out a sentence.
“Want to kiss?”
Qi Qing’s mind went blank with a roar.
“You, you, you… what are you saying?” she stammered incoherently. “We haven’t… haven’t even… Isn’t this a bit…”
She didn’t know why she was stammering. Her mind was a mess, and her face felt incredibly hot. She wanted to touch her face but didn’t know why. Her thoughts couldn’t form a clear line. Then she spun around on the spot, intending to turn her back, but ended up facing Yu Yan again.
Seeing Qi Qing even more nervous than herself, Yu Yan actually calmed down a lot. This was indeed a bit fast, but since they had both been honest with each other, what was wrong with a kiss?
An initially vague idea suddenly became clear. Yes, they had to kiss. Only after kissing would they know if they liked it. The body’s reaction is the most honest.
She grabbed Qi Qing, who was shaking her head and about to shut down, and gave her a firm shake. “Qi Qing, listen to me. A kiss won’t make you lose any flesh. It’s okay. Let’s try it first. If you don’t like it, we’ll stop.”
Qi Qing was actually somewhat convinced by her words.
It seems so.
She looked at Yu Yan opposite her. For some reason, the other’s eyes and brows became increasingly blurry. She blinked and realized it was a watery redness welling up in her own eyes. She was already like this before they even kissed.
She could hardly imagine what would happen after they kissed.
Risking her head exploding, she leaned over tremblingly, alarms blaring in her mind. The moment her lips touched the corner of the other’s, the whole world became silent again.
A strange touch, a strange fragrance, a strange palpitation rising from her energy center. Isn’t a kiss just lips to lips? Such a simple thing… such a simple thing… yet it seemed to encompass all her fantasies about love.
Qi Qing almost couldn’t stop herself from crying.
This was her first kiss, given to a great beauty she didn’t really know well. She didn’t know what the great beauty was thinking; she only knew it felt so comfortable, so wonderful, soft and fragrant.
The moisture and fragrance from the other’s lips and tongue kept drifting over, reminding her that they were doing something very intimate, and moreover, they couldn’t stop.
…
After an unknown amount of time, the two finally separated from their embrace.
Qi Qing hadn’t yet come back to her senses. She saw Yu Yan with a flushed face and dazed eyes. The other’s mouth was still slightly open, tinged with alluring moisture and gloss. This face, usually not easily approachable, now looked incredibly vivid and fragrant, exuding immense attraction, as if inviting her to come closer, to be more intimate.
“I want…” Yu Yan whispered softly.
Want?!
Qi Qing’s mind suddenly cleared.
No, no, no, kissing had already pushed her limits. If they experienced something more intimate, the string of rationality in her mind would snap directly.
…Would it snap?
Qi Qing didn’t know, but she knew she was currently teetering on a dangerous edge. If they crossed that line tonight, their future together would become uncertain and confusing.
Should I, should I agree?
While she was still racking her brains, Yu Yan’s latter half of the sentence came out: “…I want to hear you call me by a nickname.”
Yu Yan’s expression had changed from sensual to shy. To her, kissing was like stamping a seal, just the first step in an intimate relationship. The second step, of course, was calling each other by nicknames.
Qi Qing’s face visibly showed disappointment.
Ah, so it was just a nickname. And here she was thinking so much. Qi Qing, oh Qi Qing, you really are a pervert. Yu Yan is such an innocent person, how could she possibly suggest something so indecent?
It’s your own lewd mind seeing lewdness, your thoughts running wild.
“What’s wrong?” Yu Yan saw her unpleasant expression and thought she was unwilling, so she said, “If you don’t want to…”
“Of course, I want to! A nickname, right?” Qi Qing said decisively. “What should I call you? Yanyan, Little Yan, A-Yan… Oh right, do you have a childhood name?”
Yu Yan thought for a moment and said, “Little Yu?”
“Little Yu…” Qi Qing mulled it over for a moment. “It doesn’t seem to sound as good as A-Yan. What do you think?”
Yu Yan pondered for a moment. “Why don’t you try calling them out? I’ll listen and see which one sounds better.”
Qi Qing thought this was a good suggestion, but when the words reached her lips, they suddenly got stuck as if jammed. She opened her mouth several times but couldn’t get them out smoothly. A sense of shame from an unknown source enveloped her, making it difficult to speak.
Yu Yan waited for a long time but didn’t hear Qi Qing’s voice.
She tilted her head to look at Qi Qing’s expression. Qi Qing had her head down, her mouth moving again and again, dawdling over something.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m a little embarrassed.”
“Then what should we do?”
“How about you encourage me a little?”
Yu Yan stared at her for a moment, finding her shy yet frank appearance exceptionally cute. She couldn’t help but lean in and peck her on the lips. “Like this?”
Qi Qing looked at her in surprise, her eyes filled with helplessness.
Yu Yan looked back innocently, her face showing a matter-of-course expression.
“…A-Yan.” Afraid that Yu Yan would kiss her recklessly again, Qi Qing finally squeezed out this word from her throat. It felt a little unfamiliar, yet inexplicably evocative.
In comparison, “Little Yu” seemed overly familiar but lacked intensity. It felt like calling a child, not quite suitable for their relationship.
After Qi Qing said this, she suddenly had a strange feeling. Their relationship… what exactly was it?
They weren’t quite lovers yet, but they weren’t just good friends either. If she had to describe it, it was a relationship that blended many emotions, one where you could entrust everything in a short time—a relationship both dangerous and ethereal.
This kind of relationship couldn’t be considered stable.
But precisely because of its instability, it held an infinite charm, like betting everything in a gamble with unknown odds. Dazedly, she had bet everything. Next was the long wait for the results to be revealed.
And the results could change in an instant.
…
So this is love, she thought.
No wonder people say love is a dangerous game.
“Can I believe it?”
Qi Qing heard her own voice, like a whisper. But she wasn’t asking Yu Yan; she was asking herself—she had lost once already, could she really believe again?
“Yes, you can believe me.” Yu Yan’s voice came from very close by. Qi Qing suddenly came to her senses and saw the other person leaning right beside her, so close there was almost no distance between them.
She looked up. Yu Yan’s expression was incredibly solemn.
“No matter what happens, I will never abandon you.”
She had given the most appropriate answer for the moment.
What Qi Qing feared, of course, was this. She was afraid of being abandoned, afraid of being let down. She never wanted to repeat her past mistakes, never wanted to suffer a fatal wound for love again.
She was like a bird startled by the twang of a bowstring. Yu Yan’s appearance at this moment had perfectly mended her painful scars, allowing her to break free from endless self-torment and catch her breath.
“Thank you,” Qi Qing said.
Whether Yu Yan’s words were sincere or not, she had to say thank you. If it weren’t for Yu Yan, it would have been very difficult for her to escape the Heavenly Sword Sect, let alone escape the torment of her memories. Perhaps she would still be used as a pawn, controlled and manipulated by Su Miaoyin.
Thinking of this, she suddenly remembered something. What exactly did Su Miaoyin want to keep her for?
Also, that night, she had clearly killed Su Miaoyin, yet the other person had inexplicably come back to life. At first, she thought it was a dream, but later, after repeatedly replaying it in her mind, she felt the chances of it being a dream were slim. She had been very clear-headed and unlikely to be hypnotized.
After all, even if she were hypnotized, the system was still there.
Thinking of Yu Yan appearing there so opportunely, she had a gut feeling this matter was related to her. So she asked, “What exactly happened on your end last night? Were you really lost, or were you besieged? Why were you so badly injured? And Su Miaoyin… I think I killed her, but…”
Yu Yan didn’t know why she suddenly brought this up. Logically, the matter was over, and there was no need to rehash it. But she had already decided not to hide anything from Qi Qing, so she told her the truth.
Just as Qi Qing had guessed, Su Miaoyin had indeed set a trap.
After Qi Qing was taken away, the guest courtyard where Yu Yan was staying was sealed. Of course, because the guests were all from the same sect and courtyard, and Yu Yan had no disciples, she lived alone, so no one else noticed anything unusual.
Yu Yan woke up from her sleep, found Qi Qing missing, and sent a voice transmission to find her, but she never received a response. She thought Qi Qing might have been called away again, so she waited in the room for a while.
By evening, Qi Qing still hadn’t returned.
Yu Yan thought she might have gone to the birthday banquet, so she also prepared to go out. But she was stopped at the door. This obstruction was very abrupt, like being blocked by an invisible barrier.
Given her status, she immediately understood. Someone actually dared to set up a spiritual barrier against her.
Yu Yan was so angry she almost laughed. Never mind who set up the barrier; just this kind of trick alone couldn’t possibly stop her.
She had cultivated both formations and swordsmanship back then. When it came to formations, she was an ancestor.
With this bit of pride, Yu Yan didn’t take the barrier too seriously. Besides, the birthday banquet wasn’t much to see anyway; going early or late made no difference. So she slowly searched for the formation’s core, not in a hurry.
By the time she realized something was wrong, the birthday banquet had already begun.
This barrier seemed thin and simple, but it was designed with extreme intricacy. After searching for a long time, she couldn’t find a single flaw. This was, of course, impossible. All formations have a ‘life gate.’ If she couldn’t find it, either the solution to this formation was far beyond her abilities, or it wasn’t a formation at all, but an illusion technique.
Yu Yan disliked illusion techniques. She hated these tricks of truth and falsehood. But the more she disliked something, the less she understood it, making it easy to fall prey to it. If this was indeed an illusion technique, then escaping wouldn’t be so easy for her.
At this moment, a question surfaced in her mind. Why, and who, wanted to trap her?
This question seemed unrelated but struck at the heart of the situation. If she could figure this out, she wouldn’t be like a blind man trying to describe an elephant, completely clueless. The person who trapped her must have a scheme, and this scheme was very likely unrelated to her.
Because if someone wanted to plot against her, there were more direct ways.
Then who could it be related to?
Yu Yan immediately thought of Qi Qing.
She disregarded her own situation, immediately took out a magic artifact for locating people, and found Qi Qing’s position. According to the magic artifact, Qi Qing’s life was not in danger, but the specifics were still unclear.
So she maximized the sound reception, and the first sentence she heard was, “Where did you hide her?” Yu Yan remembered her reaction at that time clearly. She was stunned for a moment, then shook her head and chuckled softly.
It seemed Qi Qing was even smarter and braver than she had thought. In front of so many people, she had dared to offend her sect for her sake.
One had to know, back then, Qi Qing had retreated again and again to avoid offending Su Miaoyin, which made Yu Yan feel quite exasperated with her for not being stronger. But now, it seemed Qi Qing was the typical kind of person who didn’t care much about her own interests but would give her all for someone she cared about.
A bit foolish, but Yu Yan didn’t dislike this kind of person.
At that moment, she swore that she absolutely could not let Qi Qing’s efforts be in vain. People like this were easily let down, and what she hated most was letting others down.
“So, I reversed time.”
Yu Yan said, “I couldn’t let you suffer any more grievances or harm for my sake. Even if it meant risking my status as a divine official, I had to let you leave that place openly and honorably.”
Hearing this, Qi Qing’s eyes suddenly stung.
She lowered her head, tears falling drop by drop.
Ah, really, why did I only understand so late?
Effort without reciprocation is like cutting off one’s own flesh again and again. Sooner or later, all one’s flesh will be cut away. Human greed is endless. No matter how hard one tries, one can never wake up someone pretending to be asleep.