Yan Huirou was gazed upon by those tear-filled eyes, stirring her heart. It was as if she heard a dewdrop fall from a blade of grass into a still lake. As their gazes met, Yan Huirou raised her hand, wanting to touch something. But when her pure white spirit hand touched the young girl’s cheek, all the colors around them dimmed once more. The vision shattered again.
The scene shifted. Yan Huirou saw a familiar old place again: the Library Pavilion. Specifically, its highest floor. It was still deserted here, with no disciples coming to read, so she was the only one present.
For these three years, Jiang Xidai was confined here to reflect on her misdeeds; without the sect master’s command, she couldn’t leave on her own. Her daily routine involved lighting a lamp and copying scriptures for self-cultivation. No one taught her to read, so at first, she merely traced the characters. But the more she copied, the more she became adept at writing, as if she truly understood their meaning. The outer sect’s teaching was lax, and the cultivation methods she had secretly learned from the inner sect relied mostly on a wild instinct, ultimately disorganized and lacking a proper system. Inspired by these scriptures, Jiang Xidai gradually developed a complete set of techniques, spontaneously cultivating to the average standard of the inner sect.
The Sect Master of Lingshan Sect had mixed feelings upon learning this: “Such talent is indeed rare and precious. It is good for our sect to have disciples with outstanding talent; used well, they are a sharp blade. But Jiang Xidai is too sharp, she easily harms both others and herself.”
After three years of quiet reflection, the Sect Master personally visited the Library Pavilion. Jiang Xidai huddled in a corner, her face pale from long years without sunlight. An unusual scent mingled with the familiar smell of ink, and she, sharp enough, immediately looked up at the newcomer.
“Three years have passed, child. Do you know your mistake?”
Jiang Xidai replied, “I won.”
“Unrepentant! Winning makes it right, and losing makes it wrong?”
The young girl flinched slightly. “I don’t know. But if you lose, you’re at the mercy of others. Isn’t that right?”
The Sect Master admonished, “You are always dwelling on the past. Lingshan Sect is a renowned righteous sect, where fellow disciples are affectionate, not a place where the strong prey on the weak. Losing a match is merely losing a match…”
Jiang Xidai interrupted, “I once had a senior sister. That day, I saw her lose to you all, and then you killed her. It seems losing to people here is just the same.”
The Sect Master was stumped by her words. After a moment, he said, “In that case, by your logic, when you were so young and powerless to resist, our sect should not have spared your life. Do you know why?”
Jiang Xidai indeed hesitated, shaking her head.
“Because the elders pitied your youth, born from the mud, and hoped that if you sincerely repented early, you might find the path to redemption.”
Jiang Xidai repeated, “Path… to redemption?”
“That boy you crippled on the arena three years ago—he is the nephew of Lingshan Sect’s supervising elder. I intervened on your behalf, only punishing you with three years of reflection, and letting the matter rest. Yet you still refuse to repent, which is truly disappointing.”
Jiang Xidai was stunned; she had not known the true circumstances. “…”
“From this day forward, go down the mountain. Consider it as if Lingshan Sect never adopted you.”
Yan Huirou thought, it’s good to release her little sect master. But why did those words sound so strange? Would a sect master truly be willing to give up a child of such outstanding talent? She wanted to discern more from that person’s face, but due to the limitations of Jiang Xidai’s memory, the Sect Master’s features were too blurry, completely obscuring their expression.
Jiang Xidai heard these words and seemed to find a faint, almost imperceptible hope: “I…”
“There are fewer restrictions outside. You may act recklessly, continue to prey on the weak as before, but what your ultimate fate will be, that is beyond my control.”
Having said this, the Sect Master swept his sleeves and left.
“…Wait!” Jiang Xidai called out from behind him. “I want to be a good person. What is this path to redemption you speak of?”
The figure stopped. “Do you still have a repentant heart?”
Jiang Xidai: “I… I do.” She lowered her eyelids. “It was my mistake… it was my mistake. I want to be a good person, I want to be liked, I want someone to love me. No matter what, I don’t want to return to my old life.”
Saying this, she powerlessly clutched the Sect Master’s sleeve. “Please, save me.”
A lonely silence fell, only the sound of Jiang Xidai’s choked sobs clearly audible.
“Repentance leads to salvation. Excellent.”
The Lingshan Sect Master exceptionally accepted Jiang Xidai as a disciple, formally allowing her to enter the inner sect. After three years of quiet reflection, she finally seemed to touch the first glimmer of hope in her life.
Do not defy elders, do not seek personal gain, do not be arrogant, do not be greedy, do not be jealous.
To “redeem” herself, Jiang Xidai learned to polish away all her sharp characteristics, such as unruliness, selfishness, greed, and indifference… these were the qualities she had once relied on for survival. When she initially shed these things, it was inevitable to feel a slight fear of an uncertain future.
“Junior Sister Jiang, there’s only one slot left to enter the secret realm. You got it again, but I haven’t been in ten years…”
Such places held great opportunities; who would willingly give them away? Jiang Xidai was extremely unwilling in her heart, but then she thought of being kind to fellow disciples… She clutched her sleeve tightly, and little by little, handed over the token she held.
“Thank you!” The senior sister opposite immediately beamed with joy. “I knew Senior Sister Jiang had a good heart; Master truly didn’t misjudge you when he accepted you as a disciple.”
Jiang Xidai nodded. As she loosened her grip, the other person swiftly snatched it away.
Then, she was praised by her Master. It was explicit praise during a lecture to the inner sect disciples. Jiang Xidai had never received such treatment before; she slightly lowered her head, her cheeks feeling warm.
It’s fine. She comforted herself. Actually, I didn’t really want to go anyway. After all, I’m already at a very capable standard within the entire inner sect; letting someone else have it is no big deal.
Did doing this bring her a step closer to what she desired?
Perhaps. If so, it was still worth it.
Yan Huirou frowned as she watched everything unfold; she had never seen Jiang Xidai so eager to help others. She helped fellow disciples and showed kindness to everyone. Gradually, people discovered that this notorious little demoness from the outer sect seemed abnormally docile and obedient. More people befriended her, and she could gradually converse with others.
Jiang Xidai finally had companions, even if they constantly brought her more trouble. For example, rotation duty at the sect’s main hall, and various thankless trivial tasks, all piled upon her due to their “friendship.” Praises fluttered down like snowflakes. The young girl’s smile was gentle amidst the snow, but Yan Huirou never felt that she was truly happy. After all, she was not inherently this kind of person, but had been forcibly molded into it.
The only moments when she seemed to be in high spirits were on the arena where there was “no need to hold back.” Yan Huirou looked through the golden warm sunlight. In this scene, Jiang Xidai wielded her long sword, which swept with a whoosh, directly pointing at her defeated fellow disciple. Her chin was slightly raised, and her expression was bright and vibrant. One could pretend in daily life, but during martial contests, things changed in an instant, and subconsciously, one’s true nature would still be revealed. Although Jiang Xidai tried her best to restrain herself, even holding back to the point of going easy, she inevitably left her opponent covered in bruises and suffering quite a bit when they stepped off the stage, causing the young girl to start sniffling and sobbing again.
Jiang Xidai raised an eyebrow, sweeping a glance over, feeling a hint of disdain in her heart. It was the girl she’d scared into crying three years ago—that girl named Li Qiuxin, who looked a bit younger than her, so she should be called Junior Sister. Sure enough, this little good-for-nothing who looked down on her was still so prone to crying. Jiang Xidai gave a soft snort inwardly, but a moment later, she realized thinking like that again violated a taboo. She then seriously looked at Li Qiuxin twice, attempting to find some merits, but didn’t discern much, only noticing that when the girl cried, she even blew a snot bubble. Well, that was… somewhat cute, perhaps.
After the match ended, Jiang Xidai sensibly sat aside, rolled up her sleeve, and took out a pill bottle, evenly applying the contents to her wounds. Her ears detected that no one was crying anymore, and she wasn’t surprised, glancing towards Li Qiuxin. This glance turned into a prolonged stare.
The little girl was picked up by her own Master, who kissed her forehead in comfort. Then her Master took out a piece of candy, put it into Li Qiuxin’s mouth, and stopped her crying. Afterward, her Master took out a medicine bottle and applied salve to the various cuts on the girl’s hands.
Jiang Xidai watched the candy, then looked at the sword marks all over her own arm, feeling a sour ache in her heart. She began to observe the Master who gave the candy. She looked gentle and soft, and her temperament was probably not bad.
Jiang Xidai unconsciously thought, The one who lost got a candy and a kiss. What about the one who won? Everyone was already accustomed to her victories, and few people’s expressions changed. In that case, she deserved two candies, which wasn’t excessive at all. As for a kiss, forget it; she wasn’t a spoiled brat who only cried when she lost. If there was one, though, even if a little shy, she wouldn’t resist.
The young girl mustered the tiny bit of courage she’d gained from being a “good person” these past days and slowly approached the master and disciple pair, attempting to share in that tenderness. But as soon as Li Qiuxin saw her coming, she started crying again. That elder’s demeanor changed again towards Jiang Xidai, repeatedly frowning. Jiang Xidai vaguely remembered what she said—
“Your sword technique is so extreme, and your temperament too; you will likely not achieve greatness.”
Having said that, she turned and left.
Jiang Xidai froze on the spot. In an instant, she felt as if she had returned to how things were three years ago. She looked around, suddenly realizing something was wrong. Once the match was over, everyone had left, each finding their companions, each returning to their disciple residences. Where were those “friends” who used to beg her to do this and that? Where was her own Master?
A voice rang out beside her ear: “Junior Sister Jiang, what are you still doing here?”
Jiang Xidai sighed with relief in her heart. She turned around cheerfully and said, “I plan to treat my wounds before leaving—”
“Oh, right, there’s a rotation duty at the main hall this afternoon. I have something to do; could you go for me?” The senior brother walked over, saying casually.
“…Senior Brother,” Jiang Xidai said, “I’m injured.”
“Oh, really? Be careful next time.” The young man smiled perfunctorily. “By the way, after your shift, remember to sign in with the supervising elder. Don’t forget again; this time it’s for two hours…”
“I…” Jiang Xidai said, “My hands and legs hurt very much.”
A senior sister from the same sect walked past. She didn’t seem to have heard what they were discussing, and upon seeing Jiang Xidai, she immediately said warmly, “Little Jiang? I finally found you. After your shift, could you bring back a package for me when you return late?”
Jiang Xidai clutched the gash on her arm. “I haven’t stopped the bleeding yet; I’m not feeling well. Senior Sister, I really am injured.”
“Oh, it’s not far,” the senior sister comforted her.
The senior brother added, “Right, the hall duty is also very easy. We do all the hard work ourselves.”
“I mean…”
“I’m injured, blood is still flowing…”
Jiang Xidai’s emotions suddenly erupted, and she threw the sword in her hand. “I am also an inner sect disciple! I also have a sect and a Master! I am also covered in injuries! Don’t I feel pain?! I let her have so many moves; the cuts on me are no less than Li Qiuxin’s! I ask you, didn’t you see?! Didn’t any of you see?!!”
She stared wide-eyed, curses and tears streaming out together. But what truly surged within her was not anger, but the despair of sudden realization.
Yan Huirou’s fingertips touched the hot tears rolling down the young girl’s face, passing through them. She softly said, “But I saw it here.”
