I Find Her Disgusting Chapter 61

Yan Huirou was frozen on the spot.
In an instant, all the doubts she had deliberately forgotten in the past suddenly connected—she didn’t know if it was because she had been hit too hard, but they replayed in her mind like a revolving lantern.
She, a mere mortal, had been locked in the Cave Prison.
Vague voices.
Trump card. Secret weapon.
Zhan Ke’s sword pressed against her neck, threatening her to use her against Jiang Xidai.
Kneeling in punishment at the Shasheng Sect, being abruptly given medicine in the middle of the night.
And then later…
Jiang Xidai, drunk, cupping her face, saying she had always wanted to kill her.
Scene after scene flashed before her eyes. The things she had been unwilling to ponder, the truths and falsehoods, she now had no idea what was real or fake—they were like the shadows of a revolving lantern, like the sky collapsing, all the stars crashing together, a dazzling blur that left her mind a complete, blank white.
“I…”
“I wasn’t wrong, and I didn’t misunderstand, did I?”
Yan Huirou’s mind was in turmoil. She looked up and met the eyes that were quietly watching her. “You’ve always wanted to kill me. That training exercise… I wasn’t wrong, I knew it was so contradictory. But I didn’t want to think about it.”
Her voice was at a loss, even forgetting her usual respectful address. She said blankly, “No wonder, the day you brought me back to the Shasheng Sect, your shoulder was so severely injured.”
“No wonder you were held back by Pavilion Lord Zhan at every turn that day… I thought you were being soft-hearted.”
“No wonder you rarely punished me. It wasn’t because you didn’t hate me, it was because you couldn’t… so it was because you couldn’t…”
“I’m sorry, Sect Master Jiang.”
As Yan Huirou spoke, tears streamed down her face. She suddenly broke down, tears and the blood from the corner of her mouth flowing together, a pathetic sight. She shook her head. “You were originally all-powerful. Because of me, you have to keep a close watch on me. I am your weakness. It was me who harmed you…”
Why did she hurt the person she loved most?
This blow was far greater than Jiang Xidai not loving her.
Because of her existence, she had personally put chains on Jiang Xidai.
Jiang Xidai was born free, unrestrained. How could she not hate her?
At this thought, Yan Huirou suddenly felt a little desperate. Half of the strength drained from her body. She was originally in a lot of pain, but the thought that Jiang Xidai was also in so much pain at this moment was something Yan Huirou couldn’t accept.
I cannot become the biggest threat to Jiang Xidai’s life… she thought in a daze.
Yan Huirou’s gaze fell, and in her panic, she suddenly bit her lip hard.
Jiang Xidai saw her eyes dim and suddenly felt something was wrong. She quickly pinched the little brat’s mouth, only to find that she was clenching her teeth, intending to bite her own tongue and commit suicide.
Actually, Yan Huirou was mistaken. She had already crossed the threshold of cultivation. Doing this wouldn’t kill her; at most, she would faint from the pain.
But this didn’t stop Jiang Xidai from seeing this little brat’s action and feeling a surge of anger.
A string in her mind snapped with a loud crack.
Furious.
Jiang Xidai’s anger flared.
In an instant, she raised her hand and slapped Yan Huirou. The slap made her own throat sting, but it finally stopped this dangerous behavior.
Yan Huirou didn’t cry out in pain; she barely even reacted. She opened her mouth and coughed up another mouthful of blood, then fell limply into Jiang Xidai’s arms like a rootless leaf.
The woman held her tightly, her willow-leaf brows raised in extreme anger. “You—” She seemed at a loss for how to scold her, finally squeezing out, “You wretched thing, who gave you permission to die?!”
“Your life was saved by me. You owe me one. Since you understand this, no one is allowed to touch it but me, not even you!”
Jiang Xidai’s anger still lingered. “Absurd. Making a fuss about dying over such a small thing. Where’s your spirit from when you used to bicker with me?”
“I don’t want this,” the girl in her arms said, her voice taut, as if it could break at any moment. She tried to explain, “I don’t want to hurt you again…”
Jiang Xidai didn’t understand why she would act so drastically. Yan Huirou was usually a calm person, just a little too calm.
“If you don’t want to hurt me, don’t you know how to be a little smarter? Protect yourself, work harder in your cultivation, don’t fall into the hands of those with ill intentions.”
Yan Huirou shifted her eyes and stared at her for a long time. “You don’t want me to die?”
“How unlucky. Why are you always talking about death?” Jiang Xidai said coldly. “You’re so young, why is your mouth full of—”
Yan Huirou’s expression was very fragile. Jiang Xidai had never seen her look so haggard. She was even trembling slightly, as if awaiting her sentence.
Jiang Xidai’s words caught in her throat. She stared at her coldly for a long while, as if helpless. She lowered her lashes and closed her eyes deeply.
The woman took a breath and slowly lowered her head.
Like a phoenix on a plane tree branch, gracefully bowing its head to touch a mortal on the ground who was gazing up at a miracle.
In her moment of desperation, a shadow suddenly fell over Yan Huirou.
She felt a gentle warmth on her forehead.
“…If I wanted to kill you, I wouldn’t have saved you back then. Understand?”
Jiang Xidai kissed her between the brows, held the girl in her arms tighter, and then, as if her anger had finally dissipated, she turned her head away, closed her eyes, and leaned on her shoulder, her voice weary. “I changed my mind. I stopped wanting to kill you a long time ago.”
“Yan Huirou, if you’re sensible, then cultivate and practice martial arts properly, so you don’t annoy me when I see you.”
Yan Huirou was held so tightly, she felt the unfamiliar, fleeting warmth on her brow.
Her heart was already beating fast enough.
Strangely, the woman’s bow and kiss actually calmed the thing in her chest, like a waterfall finally plunging over a cliff, past the dangerous rapids, and into a flat valley bottom.
After a long time.
Yan Huirou: “Really? Please don’t lie to me again, and don’t hide things from me anymore. I don’t want to…”
Then, she pleaded, “Sect Master Jiang, I have always only looked at what you do and rarely tried to guess. Guessing is a bad habit.”
“The kindness you show me, I will take it as real.”
The girl’s eyes were still teary, filled with the flowing light of the heavens. Under the clear sky and bright sun, being looked at by such a pair of teary eyes, who could say another word of refusal?
Alright. The little brat is starting to say such sentimental things again. She must be recovering. Jiang Xidai thought, feeling much more at ease. She shot her a look. “I’m not treating you that well. Just average.”
Jiang Xidai heard the rapid breathing by her ear gradually calm down, becoming extremely light, like a small feather tickling her.
Someone by Jiang Xidai’s neck let out a very soft sniffle.
The sound was like a small flower bud suddenly bursting open in spring, releasing a little pollen.
I really hate crying, sensitive children, Jiang Xidai thought.
Yes, I hate them to the extreme.
After relaxing, Yan Huirou realized she was once again in tears in front of Jiang Xidai. She embarrassedly wiped her eyes for a long while, but the more she wiped, the redder they became.
But the moment of desperation was real, as if she had been submerged in ice water, suffocating. She herself found it strange.
Why did she feel so sad every time Jiang Xidai got hurt?
Why, when she knew it was her fault, did her emotions become so intense that she wanted to vomit, unable to think calmly, even wishing to end her own life immediately?
The familiar headache returned, this time bringing with it a strange sense of guilt.
I’ve made a mistake before…
What mistake…
But Yan Huirou really didn’t know what it was, so she could only slowly regulate her breathing, trying to calm down.
Fortunately, she slowly regained her composure, so as not to scare the Sect Master.
“Alright. Stop hugging.”
Jiang Xidai vaguely felt a metallic taste in her throat again, perhaps because their chests were pressed together, adding a bit more misery to her already injured state.
She pushed Yan Huirou away and took out a pill for herself.
Jiang Xidai’s cultivation was, after all, far superior to Yan Huirou’s. The same blow landing on her was still better than the little brat’s situation.
Seeing Yan Huirou unable to even stand steady, Jiang Xidai couldn’t help but pour out two more pills and give them to her.
When the two of them returned to the Shasheng Sect, Wen Xianyin was shocked.
She saw their Sect Master with a pale face, looking not very energetic—and Yan Huirou was also bloodless, her light-colored clothes stained with large patches of red. From a distance, if one didn’t look closely, one might think they were returning to the sect for a wedding ceremony.
“Wen Xianyin.”
Jiang Xidai: “Increase the security in the sect in the coming days. I will be entering seclusion for half a year. If there are no enemy attacks, do not come and report.”
Wen Xianyin: “Yes, Sect Master. Then should this disciple move to a place closer to Bright Moon Pavilion?”
“Why?”
“While the Sect Master is in seclusion, this disciple must naturally prioritize Miss Yan’s safety.” To avoid a repeat of last time’s incident.
Jiang Xidai glanced at her. “Yan Huirou will be in seclusion with me. What need is there for you to watch over her?”
“Yes.” Wen Xianyin hesitated for a moment. “Then does this disciple need to prepare anything?”
Jiang Xidai had just walked past her when she paused thoughtfully. “That’s strange. In the past, when I went into seclusion, you were never so thorough. Is it because of Yan Huirou…”
Wen Xianyin’s posture lowered an inch at these words, becoming even more respectful. “Sect Master. This disciple’s feelings for Miss Yan are just ordinary camaraderie between fellow disciples. Please do not misunderstand.”
“What nonsense,” Jiang Xidai scolded flatly. “Just watch over the Shasheng Sect. You can be casual about everything else.”
Wen Xianyin accepted the order and retreated without saying more.
Yan Huirou loosely held Jiang Xidai’s sleeve and coughed into her hand. “Sect Master, what is seclusion like? Why are you taking me with you?”
“You’ll know in a bit.”
Meditation was a very necessary way to heal. Jiang Xidai had been accumulating major and minor injuries for a long time, always putting them aside and ignoring them. Having been injured again today, she planned to recuperate.
And recuperate Yan Huirou along the way.
But half a year was too long. Jiang Xidai knew that Yan Huirou had little interest in cultivation. To prevent her from wasting her time outside, she had no choice but to bring this calm but troublesome thing with her to discipline.
Jiang Xidai never sought out those cave residences. They looked dark and were not at all comfortable.
As was her habit, she just cleared out some of the miscellaneous small objects in Qionghua Hall, then decided to seal the main gate and begin her seclusion in earnest.
But on the last day before her seclusion, her senior disciple presented a prepared chest in front of Qionghua Hall, probably filled with qi-regulating and consolidating pills.
Jiang Xidai no longer needed them, but they might be useful for Yan Huirou.
So she waved her sleeve, closed the door, and had Yan Huirou carry the chest in.
The candles in the room were extinguished one by one, leaving only the one in the center, glowing with a soft light.
“Sect Master.”
Yan Huirou’s voice was a bit strange. “What did you want me to know?”
Jiang Xidai looked over in surprise.
With just one glance, she froze.
Yan Huirou’s fair fingers were holding a jade dildo in a very elegant manner. It was a double-headed one with carved flowers. She held it in her palm, looked at it, pressed her lower lip, and was silent for a long time.
“Sect Master, this is for two people. You collect such things, you usually…”