After Rebirth, the Heroine is Consumed by Overwhelming Regret Chapter 42

The so-called last resort was, in fact, quite simple.
The fundamental reason for Qi Qing’s coma was that she had used an ability far beyond her cultivation realm. If someone with a higher cultivation level had used that move, the outcome would have been different; at the very least, they wouldn’t have remained unconscious for so long.
Therefore, Yu Yan needed to raise Qi Qing’s cultivation realm.
But raising one’s realm wasn’t something that could be achieved overnight. Otherwise, everyone would take shortcuts, and no one would be willing to cultivate diligently.
There was only one way.
But no one would ever do it.
Yu Yan clenched her teeth, looking down at her own chest.
She was a Divine Official. Her flesh and blood had been tempered through countless trials. If she took out one of her divine bones and gave it to Qi Qing, the other’s cultivation would instantly rise to the Spirit Transformation Realm, or even the Void Transformation Realm. Waking up then would only be a matter of time.
However—
She was also very clear that this was strictly forbidden.
She was a Divine Official; this divine body was obtained only after ascending, a feat achieved through innumerable tribulations and eons of cultivation. To give a part of her own body to another was equivalent to allowing them to skip the tribulations that should have been theirs, directly granting them an overwhelming level of cultivation.
If all Divine Officials did this, it would undoubtedly disrupt the balance of the Immortal Realm, so it was absolutely not allowed.
If she did this, the fox would immediately discover it, and half of her spiritual power would be stripped away. She only had half of her power left; if another half was taken, she would be almost no different from Qi Qing when she woke up.
But she didn’t have many choices now.
Qi Qing had surpassed her level by too much. If she didn’t wake up, or if she slept for hundreds or thousands of years, it was unimaginable.
Cultivators subsisted on spiritual energy. If they couldn’t cultivate, their cultivation level would regress. Either she would let Qi Qing become a mortal and die of old age in her sleep, or she would have to help circulate Qi Qing’s energy every day to maintain her current state.
The latter was certainly feasible, but what was the point of guarding an empty shell, waiting desperately? Hundreds of years could bring about seas of change. It was better to break the rules and give Qi Qing a bone.
Having made up her mind, Yu Yan drew Youyu and plunged it towards her own chest. She was very careful, avoiding her heart and meridians, meticulously searching for the connection point of the joint.
The process was excruciatingly painful, but she made no sound, enduring it with all her might. Soon, a divine bone was extracted.
This bone was crystal clear, shimmering with a beautiful light.
Yu Yan had never thought her own bones would be so beautiful. She stared at it for a long time before gently pressing it onto Qi Qing’s chest. At first, a thin, film-like barrier on Qi Qing’s body resisted this foreign object, but Yu Yan persistently and slowly pushed it in.
The light gradually faded.
The bone sank into Qi Qing’s body, its trace disappearing.
The wound on Yu Yan’s chest slowly healed. Everything was as it had been a quarter of an hour ago, as if nothing had happened. But she knew that a place in her chest would forever remain empty.
This was her choice; she had no regrets.
Then she walked out of the room and set up a barrier.
“Well, well, what a devoted lover.” The fox, Jiu Chan, stood under the eaves, a smirk playing on its lips as it watched her. The jade bangle in its hand swung back and forth, as if in threat.
Yu Yan had known it would come. Hiding would only cause more trouble. So, she had done it openly and would now calmly accept the punishment. That was her style.
She knew Jiu Chan wouldn’t stop her. This fox wished every day that she would harm herself a little more; it would be best if she couldn’t return to the Celestial Palace.
She didn’t speak, only extended her hand for Jiu Chan to apply the manacles.
Jiu Chan wasn’t in a hurry. It circled her once, then sniffed and said, “I haven’t seen you for a while, and you seem to have matured quite a bit. Yu Yan, you have an aura of the mortal world on you. Can’t you smell it yourself?”
Yu Yan said, “Are you going to do it or not?”
“Don’t be hasty. The punishment will naturally be given.” Jiu Chan strolled leisurely, circling her twice more, then suddenly said, “I told you, only three chances. You’ve already used two.”
“I know,” Yu Yan said. “I’m not a fool. I have reasons I can’t help for doing these things. You wouldn’t understand, and I don’t expect you to.”
“Oh, I understand,” Jiu Chan said sarcastically. “You’ve fallen for this mortal. Speaking of which, I’m puzzled. She’s so ordinary. What do you even like about her?”
“What’s it to you?”
“Her looks are average, her cultivation is average, her family background is average. Where did she get such great charm to bewitch you like this?” Jiu Chan tutted a few times. “Although she was assigned to you by the Celestial Emperor, love is just an act. Where is there true love in this world? Isn’t it all just an exchange of benefits? Why go to such lengths?”
“What if she never wakes up?”
“If she doesn’t wake up, then she doesn’t wake up. Just leave her here, go enjoy yourself elsewhere. When she wakes up, come back and tell her you went everywhere seeking medicine for her.” Jiu Chan shook its head, pleased with its thorough plan. “Who could resist that? Anyone would fall for you. Then, you just kill her, and won’t your love tribulation be complete?”
Yu Yan’s heart skipped a beat. After a long moment, she said, “Stop talking.”
She had long known that the so-called love tribulation meant falling in love with someone, and then, when the feelings were mutual, killing her wife to prove her Dao. This was why it was called a “tribulation” and not a “fated connection.”
But she had never carefully considered what to do afterwards. She always told herself, It’s okay, there will surely be a way. So many have descended to the mortal realm for tribulations; surely not all of them could be so ruthless?
Recently, she had even completely forgotten about this matter, her mind consumed with thoughts of Qi Qing, wanting to help Qi Qing resolve her inner demon. Her decision to give the divine bone to Qi Qing was also partly an act of self-abandonment, a desire not to return to the Celestial Palace.
But the fox had exposed all her hidden thoughts.
Yu Yan was caught off guard. She wanted to refute, but any words felt pale. Besides, there was no need to explain herself to this wretched fox. In truth, she was also afraid. She hadn’t thought things through clearly herself. What if a few words from the other side swayed her again, leaving her even more lost?
Indeed, an enemy was an enemy.
She shouldn’t have been soft on this fox. No matter what it said or did, it was always aiming to stab her in the heart—although Yu Yan knew the fox probably wasn’t that calculating, and most of what it said was likely true, they were simply not on the same path.
“Enough, it’s none of your business! Put on the manacles and scram!”
Jiu Chan didn’t understand why she was so ungrateful for its “kindness” and retorted irritably, “Who wants to meddle in your affairs? I’m not afraid to tell you, even if you’re devoted to her, she might not feel the same way about you. Look at what she did for her ex. For you? Heh, nothing much!”
As the fox mocked, it slipped the jade bangles onto her wrists. Yu Yan watched the two bangles clink together and suddenly said, “You know about Qi Qing’s past life?”
Jiu Chan glanced at her, seemingly a little puzzled, then suddenly clapped its paw. “Oh, right, you can’t see the Records of Fleeting Mortal Affairs. But logically, this shouldn’t be spoken of. What benefits can you offer me?”
Yu Yan scoffed. “Then forget it.”
Jiu Chan had a contrary personality. If you asked it to speak, it wouldn’t. If you told it not to, it would get excited. It looked left and right, then lowered its voice, “In her previous life, to heal someone’s eyes, she sacrificed all her lifespan. Later, that person found a new love and cast her aside. On the day they formed their partnership, she jumped off a cliff, making it a grand, well-known tragedy. Tell me, isn’t that devoted enough? Isn’t that tragic enough?”
“Of course, that’s the gist of it. As for who it was with, I can’t say. Anymore would violate Celestial Laws.” It quickly added a disclaimer, but it made no difference whether it did or not.
Yu Yan naturally knew who this “someone” was.
Ling Aorui.
She knew Qi Qing had a history of grievances with her, but she hadn’t expected it to be so tragic. No wonder Qi Qing hated her so much, and no wonder Ling Aorui was so certain that Qi Qing still loved her.
When effort is not cherished, people break down.
Will I end up like that sooner or later?
Yu Yan didn’t know. In fact, her mind was a tangled mess right now, filled with fear of the outcome of the love tribulation, fear that Qi Qing still loved someone else, and fear that her own sacrifices would also be ignored.
But what could she do? Tell Qi Qing the whole truth, then demand repayment for her kindness, making Qi Qing compensate her out of guilt?
…
She suddenly understood Qi Qing’s extreme pain.
Perhaps, she was the person in this world who could understand Qi Qing the most. Even so, it was still unspeakable, let alone to the oblivious Ling Aorui.
It was like a paradox: once spoken, the feelings would change. Not just for the one who gave, but even for the one who received the kindness, it would be impossible to prove that their love for the other was free of impurities.
Qi Qing must have loved Ling Aorui deeply to be unwilling to do so, just like herself… Yu Yan suddenly had a realization. So, at some unknown point, I’ve come to love Qi Qing this much.
She sighed deeply.
Jiu Chan saw the change in her aura and knew she had gained some enlightenment. Love tribulations were very similar to cultivation; sometimes, understanding one thing could lead to a great leap in progress. This also meant they were getting closer to completing the tribulation.
“Tsk, troublesome.” Jiu Chan also sighed, but it was a gloating kind of sigh. It was looking forward to the day Yu Yan would kill her wife to prove her Dao. It would surely be a spectacular, dramatic event.
Comparable to Qi Qing’s cliff jump.
Seeing there was no more immediate excitement to watch, it hopped away, leaving Yu Yan standing alone. Yu Yan stood there for a while, then turned and went back into the room.
Qi Qing still hadn’t woken up.
She was a little disappointed, but it was also within reason. She sat down by the bed, staring blankly at the sky. It was at times like these that she suddenly understood the saying, “How can one have it all in this world, to be true to one’s path and to one’s love?” If she truly loved Qi Qing, how could she bear to strike? If she didn’t love Qi Qing, the love tribulation wouldn’t be fulfilled.
She had thought it too simple at first, believing it was just a game of make-believe, that there would be a way forward when the time came. But if it were that simple, how could it be considered the greatest tribulation by so many throughout history?
She looked at the swallows flying outside the window and couldn’t help but murmur, “I haven’t even explored the mortal world yet… How can I go back just like this?”
“Let’s go then,” a voice suddenly said.
She looked down and saw Qi Qing’s eyes, clear and bright, smiling warmly. “We agreed to go play in the mortal world. Sorry for the long delay.”
Yu Yan said in pleasant surprise, “You’re awake!”
“Yes.” Qi Qing slowly sat up, rubbing her sore arms, then said seriously, “I’m serious. We don’t have much time left, do we?”
“What?”
“In the secret realm, you said that, didn’t you?” Qi Qing said lightly. “When we were getting the treasure together, I didn’t hear clearly. You said we… we didn’t have much time left. You were right. Life is short, so enjoying it while we can is the right thing to do.”
She looked up and smiled at Yu Yan.
Yu Yan couldn’t smile. When she had said that, it was because she didn’t understand why Hua Yayun had acted that way, and before they got out, that matter would definitely blow up. That’s why she said there was no time left.
But Qi Qing had clearly misinterpreted her words.
“I didn’t…”
Yu Yan didn’t know whether to explain, or if there was any need to. She always felt that Qi Qing’s misinterpretation held something more unfamiliar and dangerous, but she couldn’t quite grasp it yet.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Qi Qing comforted softly. “Hurry and pack up. I’ll change, and then we’ll go down the mountain. Look, spring is here. If we don’t live a little wildly now, we’ll get old.”
If we don’t live a little wildly now, we’ll get old.
Yu Yan mulled it over and nodded.
That’s right, haven’t I already grown old? Compared to Qi Qing, I’m an old crone who couldn’t be older. Still so indecisive. How can I make Qi Qing satisfied with that?
She went out, preoccupied. Only after stepping outside did she realize there was nothing much to pack. Qi Qing was rustling inside, getting dressed. She just stood blankly under the eaves, at a loss.
Meanwhile, Qi Qing’s tears were already falling.
As she dressed, she wiped her tears, but no matter how much she wiped, they wouldn’t stop. Large teardrops streamed down continuously. She forced herself not to make a sound, so her sobs caught in her throat, making her nose ache.
In reality, she had woken up shortly after Yu Yan went outside. She had heard every word of the conversation between the two outside the door.
Her heart felt as if it had fallen into a dark, icy cavern.
She had always thought Yu Yan was different.
Even though she had many times suspected Yu Yan’s reasons for being good to her, she had never imagined such a mercenary motive. A love tribulation… was it just about killing her wife to prove her Dao?
Being so good to me, was it all to raise me well just to kill me one day?
That person outside said so much, and Yu Yan only replied, “Stop talking.” Was that tacit agreement, or avoidance? In any case, she didn’t refute it sternly. Did that mean she actually agreed with their point of view?
What’s more, Yu Yan now knew about her past.
No matter how one put it, Qi Qing’s reason for hiding it from her definitely included an element of low self-esteem. She tricked herself into thinking she didn’t want Yu Yan to worry, didn’t want to mention her past life, but what she feared most was that Yu Yan would despise her for it.
She had done so many foolish things. All the naivety of her first love had been given to Ling Aorui. No matter how she tried to gloss over it, saying their outcome was terrible, it couldn’t hide the fact that she had truly loved Ling Aorui.
How could Yu Yan like someone like me?
She was already unworthy of Yu Yan. Once Yu Yan knew these things, what right did she have to stand before her? She had lost all her confidence, and even more so, all right to question.
How could she bring herself to ask?
She understood now. It was impossible for Yu Yan to love her. All the kindness shown to her now was just Yu Yan enduring disgust, waiting for the moment she fell into the trap. Then, Yu Yan could successfully undergo her love tribulation and return to the Celestial Palace.
Someone as ordinary as her was only ever meant to be used. Used by Ling Aorui in her past life, used by Yu Yan in this life. Over and over, she couldn’t escape this utterly ridiculous fate.
And what was even more ridiculous?
That fox outside was also Yu Yan’s archenemy.
Archenemy, archenemy, the archenemy-turned-lover drama, can it please stop playing out? Isn’t it annoying? In her last life, Hua Jiaolian was a fox spirit, and in this life, another fox spirit. Foxes, foxes, foxes! What on earth was wrong with her, to have her beloved stolen by a fox twice in a row?
Qi Qing finished dressing and leaned against the wall, laughing.
In reality, she no longer knew what to do. Continue to stay by Yu Yan’s side, letting her use all sorts of tricks to try and “move” her?
Or run away, never to be seen again?
But where else could she go?
This world was so big, yet there had never been a place for her. It was like this in her past life, and it was still like this in this life. The System hadn’t sent any messages for days. She was all alone, with no one to even discuss things with.
“Qi Qing?”
Yu Yan called her from outside, and Qi Qing finally reacted.
She got out of bed, opened the door, and smiled. “Coming.”