After I Died My Dao Companion Drowns in Endless Regret Chapter 42

“A dream, an illusion, or reality? The world speaks of immortal herbs with divine powers. The mortal realm’s illusions are all for refining medicine; my undying heart is that of an immortal…”
A faint singing drifted from afar. Wei Yunshu raised her head, her gaze passing over the hazy, illusion-like sea of stars, over the mist-shrouded mountains.
The Illusionary God Incense could shape illusions and be used for tempering the heart. Wei Yunshu carried this thought as she continued forward. However, as her steps deepened, the swirling emotions slowly dissipated.
A slanting wind and fine rain met her face.
Wei Yunshu gazed blankly at the lush green mountains for a long while. The noise by her ears rose again. Light and shadow flickered before her eyes, and she was immersed in the familiar, vast mortal world. The sound of rain dripping from the eaves echoed, and the leaves rustled in the wind.
That year, she was eight years old.
Begging in the bustling city, she bumped into a noble, had her leg broken, and was thrown into a ditch.
Even ants possess the strength to survive. The emaciated child felt dizzy, and a piercing pain shot through her broken leg. There was no water in the abandoned ditch, but it was filled with rotten food and wriggling insects. The young beggar girl used her hands to grip the ground, dragging her broken leg forward inch by inch.
The continuous fine rain gradually intensified, the rustling sound of the rain turning into a rapid patter. The hawkers’ calls and the passersby’s laughter intertwined. Occasionally, a servant or two would come to throw trash. They would glance indifferently before hurrying away, completely disregarding the beggar girl’s life or death.
The beggar girl could no longer remember how long she had wandered in the mortal world, having tasted the warmth and cold of human relationships. She no longer expected anyone to help. Blood beads seeped from her lower lip, and the stench of rot filled the air around her. Her body grew cold, and her vision flickered black. She dragged herself forward, scraping against sharp stones, her breathing becoming rapid, and then slowly quieted down.
She would become a cold corpse like the other children she begged with. A better fate was to be thrown into a charity morgue; a worse one was to rot, then be eaten by insects and birds.
In the last moment before losing consciousness, the beggar girl thought.
The beggar girl did not die.
When she woke up, she saw a carved-jade, snow-like, adorable young girl standing on a stool, peering over the edge of the bed.
Would there be such a cute little girl in the gloomy underworld? The beggar girl thought, and a piercing pain shot through her leg. She didn’t want to cry, but tears trickled down her cheeks.
“You’re awake? Hey? Why are you crying?” The young girl’s voice held surprise, but upon seeing the beggar girl’s tears, it turned to annoyance. She leaned over the bed, pinched her sleeve, and wiped the beggar girl’s tears.
The soft fabric was like the clouds in the beggar girl’s dreams, surely valuable and luxurious. The beggar girl vaguely realized this, and her body stiffened. She wanted to avoid the sleeve that she could never afford in eight lifetimes, but the pain in her leg and the confined space of the bed left her nowhere to hide. Her hand withdrew from under the covers, grasping the young girl’s hand, then loosening its grip a moment later. She hung her head and repeatedly apologized, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
Those important people didn’t like to see beggars. Her leg being broken was a light punishment; some people died instantly.
“Why apologize?” The young girl’s eyes widened. Looking at the thin, small lump on the bed, she simply knelt by the bedside and peppered her with questions like a string of pearls, “What’s your name? Why did you collapse by the roadside? Where are your parents?” Seeing the beggar girl curl up and not speak, she tapped her head and laughed, “My name is Luo Lingfeng, and I’m eight years old. My aunt and I found you by the smelly ditch. My aunt is busy with something and will come later.”
The beggar girl glanced at the snowball-like child, feeling somewhat dazed. After a while, she carefully asked, “Are you taking me as an adopted daughter?” She used to have a couple of companions who were later adopted by a great lord, called adopted sons and daughters. At first, they wore beautiful clothes and ate meat with every meal, which made the beggars extremely envious. But the last time she saw them… they were dead bodies, their human forms long gone. The people in the great lord’s mansion rolled them up in straw mats and threw them out, like they were treating some dirty cats and dogs. Some said they were beaten to death by the great lord. If she had to live such a life, she might as well have died in the stinking ditch. The beggar girl’s expression was not good; she thought to herself.
“What adopted daughter?” Luo Lingfeng blinked, her small face full of confusion. She didn’t think further but spoke on her own, “What’s your name? When my aunt comes back, we’ll be leaving. Leave a name, and I’ll come to find you to play with in the future.”
The beggar girl didn’t believe Luo Lingfeng would return.
She said dryly, “My name is ‘Hey.'” She had no name; this was how others called her.
“Wei what?” Luo Lingfeng leaned very close, her posture now cross-legged on the bed. She blinked at the beggar girl, her face filled with innocent joy.
The beggar girl felt dizzy from the faint scent. She immediately became nervous, stammering, “No, no name.”
“How can you not have a name?” Luo Lingfeng frowned, “Where are your parents?”
She was curious, and her questions carried no malice, yet they still pierced the beggar girl’s heart. She was an orphan, and an old beggar had told her she was found under a mulberry tree. Her memory was of following the old beggar through various places, but later the old beggar also died, leaving her all alone.
Luo Lingfeng didn’t quite understand; her life had no contact with people like the beggar girl. She finally saw sadness and loneliness on the beggar girl’s face. After thinking for a while, her eyes lit up, and she said with animated gestures, “I’ll give you a name! Hmm, how about—” Luo Lingfeng’s gaze fell on the window outside; the rain had stopped. “The sparse clouds rest, the vast river flows. Yunshu, your name will be Wei Yunshu.” She giggled, naming someone for the first time, as if completing a grand task, happier than the beggar girl herself.
The beggar girl said “Oh” and felt somewhat drowsy. Her eyelids drooped, and slowly, she was swept into dreams by fatigue.
Luo Lingfeng, who was jubilant, laughed for a long time before quietly sliding off the bed. She sat on the stool, curiously examining the room filled with the scent of medicine, murmuring something to herself.
By the time the beggar girl, Wei Yunshu, woke up again, the sky had turned dim.
Luo Lingfeng had climbed onto the bed at some point, a small lump pressing down the quilt.
Wei Yunshu’s body stiffened, not daring to move at all. Finally, Luo Lingfeng woke up, rubbing her eyes. She lowered her eyelashes, no longer as happy as before. Wei Yunshu thought she had offended a noble person, her face flushed red, wishing she could immediately roll off the bed and beg the important person for mercy.
Luo Lingfeng didn’t know Wei Yunshu’s thoughts. Her voice was muffled and weak as she said, “Why hasn’t my aunt come back yet?”
Wei Yunshu’s nervous mood instantly relaxed. Although her complexion was sickly, her eyes were exceptionally clear. “Perhaps she’s busy with something?” Wei Yunshu comforted her.
Luo Lingfeng complained, “What could be so important that it’s taking so long? We came out to play together.” She had never left Luoshui Divine Palace in her life, and her mother always refused to take her out. This time, she had managed to get the opportunity by pestering her aunt when her mother wasn’t around. The mortal world was indeed as lively as her senior siblings described.
Wei Yunshu didn’t understand. She looked at Luo Lingfeng’s expression and said softly, “Perhaps she was delayed. Adults always have various things to do.” Just like before, a great philanthropist in a certain city said he would distribute porridge as charity. However, the stalls were set up, and the beggars lined up with their bowls—the great philanthropist said he was busy and left, never to appear again. The set-up stalls were also dismantled. The city spread tales of the great philanthropist’s “benevolence and charity,” but in reality, she didn’t even get a sip of rice soup.
Luo Lingfeng was easily appeased. Hearing Wei Yunshu’s words, she quickly became happy. She lay on the bed and softly asked, “Is there anything fun in the city?”
Wei Yunshu looked troubled and shook her head. She spent every day thinking about how to fill her stomach, how could she have the time and money to think about what was fun? She knew clearly where the broken temples and under bridges were where people could sleep. But Luo Lingfeng clearly came from a wealthy family; could she take a noble person to such places?
Luo Lingfeng asked again, “Then what do you do every day? Do you study?”
Wei Yunshu felt a pang of sadness. She clearly felt the difference between herself and Luo Lingfeng. She was a clump of mud in the mortal world, while Luo Lingfeng was an unreachable white cloud in the sky. She shrank herself, trying to distance herself from Luo Lingfeng as much as possible, and said dejectedly, “Begging for food.” Meeting Luo Lingfeng’s bewildered gaze, Wei Yunshu suddenly exclaimed, “We are beggars, with no relatives, no home, and we don’t know when we will die.”
Luo Lingfeng: “…” Looking at the trembling Wei Yunshu, she felt very pitiful. After thinking for a while, she said, “Then come to my home. My home is very big, a water area that seems endless. My parents, uncles, aunt, senior brothers, and senior sisters are all there, it’s very lively, you won’t be lonely.”
Wei Yunshu’s face turned pale; she shook her head, “I don’t want to.” She had heard others say that wealthy families ate people.
After a period of fussing, the two children curled up on the bed. During this time, a doctor came, brought food, and a bowl of medicine.
Wei Yunshu’s small face was wrinkled. When she was sick before, she endured it herself; she had never drunk medicine. The strong bitter taste almost overwhelmed her. She wanted to say something brave, but in the end, she could only lie on the bed and say weakly, “Where is your home? I will repay you later.”
Luo Lingfeng said, “My home is in Luoshui Divine Palace.”
Wei Yunshu shook her head. She was a small beggar who had traveled to many places and had some experience, but she had never heard of Luoshui Divine Palace.
“It’s on the water; usually, people take a boat to get there.” Luo Lingfeng described excitedly to Wei Yunshu, “If you can fly, you can get there in a flash.”
Wei Yunshu stared, “How can humans fly? Are they birds?” She had also dreamed of growing wings before, but she later realized it was all wishful thinking.
Luo Lingfeng said as a matter of course, “Yes! In a few more years, I can too.” Seeing Wei Yunshu’s doubtful expression, she was a little unhappy, “My aunt can also fly and escape. Everyone in my family cultivates immortality, not mortals.” She really wanted to show off, but first, her aunt had warned her before going out, “Immortals and mortals are different,” and second, her basic training in Luoshui Divine Palace hadn’t even opened a single acupoint, so she couldn’t perform any divine abilities.
Wei Yunshu saw Luo Lingfeng sitting up in agitation and said good-naturedly, “Alright, alright, you are a little fairy.”
Luo Lingfeng’s eyebrows then curved into a smile again, and she enthusiastically told Wei Yunshu amusing stories of seeking immortality. As children, they had a lot of energy. After a period of noisy chatter, they fell asleep again. When they woke up again, it was already dawn. The doctors in the clinic politely asked them to leave—because the money Luo Lingfeng’s aunt had given was no longer enough.
The small town in the early morning was already very lively, with vendors carrying their burdens and shouting loudly.
Luo Lingfeng had not fully woken up. She stood in the middle of the street with a look of confusion and helplessness. It was Wei Yunshu, who had been struggling in the mortal world, who realized something. She glanced at Luo Lingfeng, and her gaze involuntarily carried a hint of pity.
“Why hasn’t my aunt come back yet?” Luo Lingfeng blinked, looking at the unfamiliar street, and unconsciously leaned towards Wei Yunshu.
“Where do you live?” Wei Yunshu asked softly.
Luo Lingfeng shook her head and said in a low voice, “We only arrived yesterday.” She looked at Wei Yunshu, who was wearing thin clothes, her injured foot unable to bear weight, leaning on a wooden stick, looking dishevelled and a bit comical. She had originally begged her aunt to use Taoist magic to heal Wei Yunshu’s injury, but her aunt had said that mortals could not withstand spiritual energy, and birth, aging, sickness, and death could only be borne by themselves. Luo Lingfeng wanted to retort, but her pampered and leisurely life had left her with little experience, making it impossible to find words to argue.
The street was bustling with people, the noise was close at hand, but it seemed extremely distant in their ears. Wei Yunshu looked up at the dazzling sun, vaguely hearing Luo Lingfeng’s voice.
“Your leg isn’t healed yet, we can’t leave here. If we leave, my aunt won’t be able to find me.”
Wei Yunshu asked, “Do you have money?” The young ladies from wealthy families she had seen before always had maids and servants with them. As for money bags, they were all with the servants; the young ladies only needed to open their mouths and point, and someone would attend to them. But she hadn’t seen any maids serving Luo Lingfeng, let alone that “aunt.”
Luo Lingfeng nodded vigorously, “Yes.” She ran back to the clinic, and soon, two young servants followed her out and carried the injured Wei Yunshu back.
Wei Yunshu struggled, “I’m actually fine, I don’t need to treat my leg.”
Luo Lingfeng shook her head like a rattle drum, “If you don’t treat it, you’ll become a cripple later.” On this matter, she showed a stubbornness that brook no argument. After Wei Yunshu repeatedly refused, she simply threatened, “Then you’d better repay the money you owe me immediately.”
Wei Yunshu, who was penniless, immediately gave up.
The two children stayed in the hospital for more than half a month. Even the naturally optimistic and carefree Luo Lingfeng realized that something was amiss.
Her aunt was missing.
Luo Lingfeng pursed her lips and said, “I want to go home.”
Wei Yunshu looked at Luo Lingfeng in silence.
The young lady from a clearly wealthy family, dressed in silks and jewels, had also changed into coarse cloth clothes like hers. All her valuables had been pawned. Wei Yunshu had tried to dissuade her more than once, even thinking of running away, but in the end, she was caught by Luo Lingfeng. Later, she followed Luo Lingfeng to the pawnshop, naively thinking that with her there, those cunning adults wouldn’t be able to trick them. However, she only realized then that those adults would openly bully you. When you sought help from someone, you had no choice but to nod.
Wei Yunshu said, “I’ll send you back.”
The atmosphere in the room was heavy.
Luo Lingfeng opened her mouth, her hands clasped behind her back. She lowered her head and said, “I don’t know the way.” She and her aunt had come by flying boat. She felt a sense of panic, “My mother will know that my aunt and I are missing, and she will come to find us.”
Wei Yunshu’s brows furrowed tightly. She looked at Luo Lingfeng with immense guilt. If she hadn’t stayed to take care of her, Luo Lingfeng wouldn’t have lost her aunt. “Then should we stay, or what?” Wei Yunshu asked softly. She had a map in her mind of the places she had traveled. But Luoshui Divine Palace—she really hadn’t heard of it.
Luo Lingfeng drooped listlessly. She took a breath, preventing tears from falling, and said, “Your body is not well, let’s wait a bit longer.” The doctor had told her about Wei Yunshu’s physical condition, giving a judgment of “short-lived and dying early.” In such a state, she didn’t dare to casually teach the cultivation methods of Luoshui Divine Palace.
Wei Yunshu understood her emotions and felt even more distressed. She opened her arms and hugged Luo Lingfeng, clumsily comforting her, “They will come, don’t cry.” Although they were of similar age, Wei Yunshu, who had been starving for years, was half a head shorter than Luo Lingfeng. This hug was as if she were nestled in Luo Lingfeng’s embrace. It was warm, and a heat flushed Wei Yunshu’s face. She let go of her hands, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed, and didn’t dare to look at Luo Lingfeng’s expression, lowering her head to look at the tip of her shoes.
The people of Luoshui Divine Palace were nowhere to be seen, but money always ran out.
Wei Yunshu was accustomed to that kind of life and didn’t think much of it, but she couldn’t bear to see Luo Lingfeng become as destitute as her.
The scene of a thousand-gold young lady with a face smeared with mud stung her eyes and made her breathless. She couldn’t possibly let Luo Lingfeng go begging with her; she could only fight desperately for food. But she didn’t have much skill, and her already weak physique collapsed again after a heavy rain.
In the dilapidated temple, cobwebs hung down.
The statue on the altar had its paint peeling, its mottled body patchy white and colored, long having lost its original solemn appearance.
The broken bowl with a missing corner was covered in a thick layer of dust, indicating that no one had been there for a long time. However, at this moment, on a pile of straw in the corner, sat two dirty little girls.
The hope of returning home was extremely slim. Luo Lingfeng would sometimes space out. But seeing Wei Yunshu’s guilt, she would suppress that fear and confusion, putting on a cheerful and bright smile, telling Wei Yunshu stories of sword immortals acting heroically.
Why hadn’t she learned her parents’ skills?
She dipped her fingers in water to moisten Wei Yunshu’s dry, pale lips, only able to pray that she would get through this.
When the rain stopped, she hid Wei Yunshu. After hesitating for a moment, she quietly took Wei Yunshu’s begging bowl and left the dilapidated temple.
Half a year ago, the word “beggar” had not yet appeared in her life. She grew up in a pile of brocade, never imagining she would live such an uncertain life. Crystal palaces and jade plates of delicacies were now extremely far from her.
There were many young beggars on the street, showing fawning smiles and saying auspicious words.
Luo Lingfeng’s mind buzzed. She imitated Wei Yunshu and became a beggar, but she couldn’t truly be a beggar.
“Do you want something to eat? How about coming to my residence to get it?” a gentle voice sounded in her ear.
The past six months were enough to make Luo Lingfeng sharp. She saw the disgusting greed and lust in the gaze cast at her. Hearing Wei Yunshu’s words and seeing it with her own eyes… everything made Luo Lingfeng unable to trust people. Many people who looked respectable were inwardly wolf-hearted and dog-livered. Luo Lingfeng shrank back, wanting to bolt. But thinking of Wei Yunshu’s pale face, she forced herself to endure. Her eyes no longer held the innocence of a child.
Luo Lingfeng silently followed behind the man, turning into a familiar yet strange, deserted alley.
In her sleeve, she clutched a rusty little knife, which Wei Yunshu had picked up and given her for self-defense.
But for a child, this knife was merely a comfort. In a real dangerous situation, what could she use to fight people?
Her only difference from the children in the mortal world was that she had cultivated a technique and touched the threshold of the Way. She hadn’t reached “transforming into a mortal”, but she had broken through one acupoint.
When she emerged from the dark alley again, Luo Lingfeng’s eyes were dark, and her tattered clothes were stained with blood. She walked quickly to a puddle and, suppressing the urge to vomit, rolled around in it. The thick mud washed away the bloodstains. She looked at her dishevelled reflection in the puddle and suddenly laughed.
Of course, she couldn’t use the silver herself. She instructed the beggars who wanted to gain favor to buy medicine and food, and she hurried towards the dilapidated temple. During this time, there were naturally beggars who wanted to rob her directly, but a blood-stained knife and those fierce, dark eyes were enough to make them retreat.
The young lady of Luoshui Divine Palace didn’t know how to care for others, but Luo Lingfeng, who had fallen into the mortal world, did.
She clumsily wiped the sweat from Wei Yunshu’s forehead, feeding the pill into her mouth bit by bit.
She whispered in Wei Yunshu’s ear, “It’s okay if we can’t go back, we can rely on each other.”
Sun set and moon rose, the sky full of stars.
Wei Yunshu, who had been on the brink of death, woke and slept, slept and woke. She had pulled through once again.
Her sickly eyes glanced at the dirty Luo Lingfeng, and finally, she couldn’t help but cry loudly. It didn’t matter what happened to her, but now she had to bear Luo Lingfeng’s life. How could she watch her become like herself? How could the cloud in the sky, the clear moon in the mountains, fall into the mud?
Wei Yunshu choked, “Go back, I’ll take you back. Don’t wait anymore, I’ll take you to find the way home.” The half-year of wandering seemed to have stretched her years, forcing her to grow up quickly. She was eager to grow up, but that experience couldn’t be obtained through her strong desire. She didn’t want to be innocent anymore, but often still held a natural foolishness.
Luo Lingfeng glanced at her dirty hands, hesitated for a moment, and then went to wipe Wei Yunshu’s tears, saying softly, “Don’t cry.”
A pair of ferocious, jackal-like eyes flashed in her mind. She knew in her heart that the road back would only be more difficult. The warm liquid fell on the back of her hand, like scorching blood. Luo Lingfeng shivered. After a long while, she finally came to her senses. The liquid on the back of her hand had spread into a small patch. It wasn’t blood; it was Wei Yunshu’s tears.
“When you’re better, we’ll go begging together.” Luo Lingfeng’s voice rang out. This sentence was spoken naturally, making it hard to imagine that half a year ago, she had been completely unfamiliar with the word “beggar.”
“No.” Wei Yunshu hugged Luo Lingfeng’s arm, “Those people are very bad.”
“I know.” Luo Lingfeng raised her head and gave Wei Yunshu a bright, innocent smile. She withdrew her hand, took a few steps back, and took out the rusty little knife. Under the moonlight, the blood-stained knife gleamed with a chilling light. Wei Yunshu was first bewildered, then overwhelmed by fear. She watched Luo Lingfeng pick up the knife and fiercely slash it across her own face, her whole body trembling violently. Her sickly body suddenly possessed endless strength, and she pounced towards Luo Lingfeng.
Luo Lingfeng looked at Wei Yunshu, her face streaked with tears, and said with a smile, “This way, they will only pity me.”
Intense pain shot through Wei Yunshu’s body. She trembled, cradled Luo Lingfeng’s blood-stained face, and cried incessantly.